The 20-Minute Conversation Many Leaders Skip
Sometimes the most important leadership moments don’t take hours- they take 20 minutes.
One of my department leaders called me on a day when the office was closed.
We were technically closed, but I had been working and had sent a few emails that morning. One of them was a response to an email they had sent me the day before.
Their email had a mix of questions and frustration about a report they’d been asked to complete. I responded with answers to what they asked, and a few questions of my own to better understand where the concern was coming from.
Not long after I sent my response, my phone rang.
“Hi,” I answered.
“Hi,” I heard on the other line.
“What’s up? How can I help?”
“I’m reading this email you sent me back.”
“Okay,” I said, waiting.
“I just… I just. Ma’am…”
What followed was a few minutes of them walking through their perspective, their confusion, and their frustration with what they’d been asked to do.
They ended with:
“I just feel like I’m being punished. My team doesn’t have this problem. They’re good people. They work hard. But you’re still making me fill this out.”
All in all we spent 20 minutes on that call, working through their frustration and confusion.
By the time we hung up, there was a shared understanding, the frustration had dissipated, and there was alignment on how to move forward.
After the call, the person next to me said:
“Why would you have that conversation? You’re the head of operations. Just tell them to do it. If they don’t like it, they can find another job.”
There are a lot of leaders who think that way.
“This is your job. Do it- or else.”
But leadership isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach.
My job is to know my team just as much as I expect them to know me and our organization.
I know that this team member is a top performer who doesn’t sit well with unanswered questions. I know that they do their best work when they can quickly process and move forward with clarity.
This call came on a Friday afternoon. If I hadn’t answered, they would have been sitting in that frustration until Monday.
I don’t handle every situation this way- but I know this leader, and I knew that if they were calling, they were stuck.
What Actually Happened in That Call
Listening
I listened to them.
They listened to me.
Leaders should listen, and not just to the sound of their own voice.
Safety
They were able to ask questions and trust that I cared enough to answer them.
It might not have been the answer they wanted, but it was the answer they needed, to better understand.
Processing Time
People are not machines.
Some people need quiet time to process. Others need to talk it out.
This leader needed to talk it through.
Understanding
High performers want to understand.
If your people aren’t asking questions or sharing thoughts, they may not be engaged, or they may not feel safe enough to ask.
Leadership Development
This leader didn’t want to complete a report on their team’s data.
In their mind, everything was fine- they had a strong team and had never needed this level of reporting before.
While on this call we walked through the data review for one of their employees.
What did we find?- Multiple misses.
In that moment, because we took the time to walk through it together, they saw clearly- this did apply to their team.
Relationship and Role Clarity
This leader cares deeply about their team.
That care had started to influence their performance assumptions.
The leader needed clarity- not correction.
And while they do have a strong team, every team needs consistency in how performance is reviewed.
Excluding one department because the leader believes in their team creates misalignment across the organization.
What Changed in 20 Minutes
That leader left a 20-minute conversation with:
A clear understanding of the report’s value
Greater awareness of their leadership responsibility
A path forward to lead their team more effectively
Where Many Leaders Get This Wrong
Many executives prioritize speed, compliance, and ownership as the ideal trio.
But:
Speed without understanding creates resistance
Compliance without clarity creates inconsistency
Ownership without context creates frustration
Expecting speed, compliance, and ownership without care is like taking your car on a long journey with no oil.
It may run for a while, but without the key resource that keeps everything moving smoothly, something will eventually break.
That’s what care does.
A Better Question for Leaders
So I’ll ask you:
What could be improved—or avoided—if your employees felt safe to ask questions?
What could be improved through better training or development?
What could be improved through conversations that take a little more time—but leave your leaders better equipped?
Clarity, consistency, and care don’t have to take hours.
Sometimes, they take 20 minutes.
And that 20 minutes can shape how a leader shows up for the rest of their tenure.
